ReJection part 2

Now the more in depth part of this........
My parents divorced in between my 5th and 6th grade years.  That year the church that I had found stability in also split.  So, not only was I going through the moving to a new school, house, and my parents finding a new church.  I was also dealing with the loss of my dad moving out of state.  So, going into 6th grade I was already insecure about moving and lacked the social skills that most kids have to make new friends.  I clung to teachers because they were "safe" and were not going to reject me no matter how bad of a bowl cut I had or how ugly my teeth looked with braces or how hunched over I was!  They accepted me.  In many ways I wonder what my jr. high years could have been like HAD I been that outgoing, bubbly person that most people see now!  Well, the fact is I can't go back and change it but I can learn from it!  In some ways I see myself utilizing the gifts that God has given me to reach out to jr. high kids who are in that weird awkward stage of life.  When I am in the midst of ministering to jr. high kids it is the one place that I know I am NOT going to be rejected!  I can let my wall down and be who I was meant to be.  In high school I knew people but didn't have a "group" of friends that I hung out with either.  In some ways looking back I super duper protected myself by putting all sorts of Christian Band Patches on my backpack and wearing "Christian" shirts to school.  I had a nice bubble around myself because I didn't want to get hurt.  I'll never forget being in 7th grade gym class and this kid, his name was A.J.....he came up to me and asked if I wanted to go out.  I looked at him and said "no"!  I mean really who would have wanted to go out with me?  I don't even think I would have wanted to go out with me!  I was not the popular girl, nor the smart girl, nor the athletic girl.  I was the girl who wanted to be noticed!  In jr. high the cool kids wore Guess Jeans and had Esprite bags.  Do you remember those things?  I remember clearly, my mom taking me to the mall to look at buying a pair of Guess jeans and they were over $60 and she was like clearly I am not spending that kind of money on jeans for you.  REJECTION!!!!!!!!  Now my mom wasn't doing this out of hate, it just was not in the budget at that time.  From her saying "NO" to that I learned to condition myself that I was not worth this or that.  Now your thinking, didn't you know your mom LOVED you!  YES, I knew she loved me but for me this was more about how I was accepted at school.  I thought oh if I have those jeans then I can be accepted with the cool kids!  As I grew up throughout high school I learned as so many of you have to build that wall up around me.  If I don't let people in I won't have to feel rejected.  I didn't go through the "normal" high school boyfriend/girlfriend statues because I didn't want to be hurt.  I built that wall.  Why do we build a wall?  Why wouldn't we want to let someone in?  It's much easier to build the wall and just be casual than to let someone get in and know our heart.  To know the good, the bad, the ugly and STILL LOVE US for US!  This is my challenge going forward, to allow people in who want to invest in my life, who want to love me for me and stomp that fear of rejection in the ground!  If I get rejected it was for a good reason.  One I may or may not ever know or comprehend.  I have one more post to write.  Just not tonight!  What are you thoughts?

ReJection part 1

I am going to start a mini series on Rejection!  We have all dealt with it in one form or another.  I am going to be vulnerable about my experience with rejection!

Rejection HURTS!!!!  I don't know for you but for me it is easier to build this happy wall around myself so that I don't have to put myself out there  to be rejected.  If this is all they see then they will accept me and like me.  They won't know the hurt, broken and some times crazy Jennifer.  If I have my guarded wall around they will only know the fun, full of life Jennifer.  As I was talking to my co-worker the other day about how I push people to reject me so that I don't have to allow myself to get hurt.  It takes away the beauty of falling in love and getting to know someone because I am more worried about what they are thinking and if I am doing the right thing that will please them.  My co-worker said "you just need to ENJOY getting to know the other person and LET them tell YOU when they don't like something you are doing INSTEAD of constantly ASKING them!"  The light bulb went on and I realized that I am in a new phase of life and I need to put the past behind me the past where I was ALWAYS looking for approval despite being rejected time and time again.  I need to ENJOY this time!  How about you..........do you not knowing look to be rejected because then it might not hurt so bad in the end?  I know that this is kind of all over the place. My next post will be a bit more organized and detailed.  Thanks for reading! :)

Happy Birthday to my only brother!!!!

John Cobb!  AKA Johnny Corn Cobb!  AKA Uncle John!
You have many names!  I am so lucky to have gotten to have you as my brother!  Growing up we sure did have our love hate relationship!  It was intense!  But on the days we loved each other, we really did!  We would have Nerf Gun wars, play with hot wheel cars and Legos!  We would have world class water gun fights that would start with water guns and lead to the hose!  We stuck together!  When we would fight, we would FIGHT!  You would get so mad at me that you would take rope and tie the doors together so  I could not get out of my room!  You loved to watch MacGyver and all things that he did you wanted to try and be like him.  We grew up, I went one way you went another.  But this past year we did something that most of our friends have yet to do and that was allow our dad to go.  That was hard but I know it brought us closer.  I'm grateful you were there to hold us together.  My kids are pretty darn lucky to have you for an uncle too!

What a Difference One Year Can Make!

Tonight was Lily's piano recital.  It was hard!  I'm not going to lie about that!  As I look back to a little over a year ago and she had her piano recital.  Life was different!  I had taken 6 out of 7 kids to the piano recital ALONE!!!!  Yes, it was CRAZY!!!!  I was thankful for Papa's help with one of the boys who could not sit still!  I was not going to miss Lily's first piano recital and I am grateful that I stood up, braved it and went with 6 children under the age of 9!

 Last year Skyping Grandpa Jay

7 Children Under the age of 9 ready ON TIME for church!

This year!!

We Skyped my dad, who was in the hospital.  He had payed for her lessons all year long and was unable to make it out from Iowa to see her.  He was weak but I know he was blessed by her music!  My dad is now gone!  That was hard this year not getting to share in the joy with him!  I know he delighted in the music from heaven but not the same as the physical presences via technology. :)  You see piano runs deep in my family.

 Grandpa Cobb playing the piano!

Cousins!

My grandfather Cobb played the piano until his dying day!  He was 94 and would go and bless other's that were YOUNGER than him in the nursing homes, assisted living and senior living centers across central Iowa!  If there was a piano he played it!  I then in turn started piano when I was in second grade.  I am very hard on myself and don't feel as though I play well!  So, a few years back when we were at my mom's house, Lily was playing on my old piano.  She had no music but had an ear for the sound!  I had several people encourage me to get her involved in music.  So, when the opportunity arose Lily started taking piano from Carolyn Patty!  The two of them are two peas in a pod!  At this years recital instead of 6 kids to be accountable for  I had my three kids sitting on my lap or near me, my ex and his significant other where there as well.  It was different.

A Life Well Lived!

A life well lived!  Grandma Shaefer passed away from her earthly home to her heavenly home on Saturday May 11, 2013.  She was Josh's maternal Grandma.  I can recall the first time I met her.  Josh was quite nervous because it was very important to him that I had her stamp of approval.  I passed.  I remember arriving to her home and sitting in her blue chair, her home was very clean and she was proud of that.  She also was very proud of her St. Louis Cardinals!  She always watched them faithfully!  Win or loose!  I don't follow baseball but I am quite sure that she was able to see them go to the World Serious a time or too.  She was very thrifty but she was very giving.  She gave all she had.  She gave of her time to others and of her money.  She loved without regrets.  She lived life!  She served others well.  I can remember many times she would come out and "save" me from my piles and piles of laundry that I had.  She always would start her day with the newspaper and a cup of coffee.  She loved well and her family knew that they were the most important thing to her.  I think my favorite meal that Grandma cooked would be TACO'S!!!!  It was always extra special when we were able to order pizza from Saylor's.  Especially when we were visiting from Iowa! I know that Grandma is rejoicing at being reunited with her beloved husband, Pat.  Her siblings, Mike and her beloved flea bags as she called the dogs!  She loved them along with Lily's beloved cat "Angel"!  I am sure her and my grandmother Cobb are catching up as well!  Grandma will be missed but her memory will live on!
Below is a link to watch a video I made of her and some pictures.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiQbDdikKus

Happy Birthday to Lily!!!!!

Lily Adeline Johnson you came into this world on Monday May 12, 2003 at 1745!  You wasted no time getting here and you have not wasted a minute since!  You were born by emergency c-section and I am so grateful to the amazing doctor's and nurses that worked quickly to get you here healthy, kicking and screaming and showing us that all of your vital organ's were functioning!  You were the FIRST Grandchild and the FIRST Great Grandchild on almost all sides expect for my mom's side.  After you were born it was a grand event, you had many visitors coming up to see you!  So many in fact the nurses had to put a stop to the number of visitors you were having just so that mommy could get some rest!  In your ten years of life I think you have experienced and rebounded with great zeal!

Your first birthday was a celebration to remember with over 50 people packing in the parsonage!

We moved to a new house at 1228 Reed Street in the spring of 2005 where we celebrated your

second birthday with a slightly smaller celebration!

We welcomed your little brother Timmy into the world on December 20th!

You were very excited to have a baby but there are days now that I am not sure how excited you are to have the endearment of Timmy!  I keep telling you though one day when you are older you will be so glad you have your brothers!

You were a champ when mommy spent 3 weeks away in the PICU with your brother!  You loved on him well!

You LOVED your paci and "nene's" as you called them!  We may have lost one of them but the other you still sleep with!

For your 3rd birthday you wanted a GREEN tractor!

In February we welcomed your little brother William!  There were times where I think you thought he was YOUR baby!

Then there was the move back to Indiana.  You had only known Iowa.  We moved to Fowler and lived there for 4 years.  Then we moved to Shirley where we are now.  You are a blessed girl as you got to experience the joy of 6 GREAT Grandparents and the joy of 5 Grandparents!  I can not wait to see where these next year take you as you lead your friends, as your grow in your walk with the Lord, as you mature in your piano and horse lessons and as you continue to blaze the trail!  I LOVE YOU!!!!!

If You Want Me To! By: Ginny Owens

This Mother's Day Sunday was Andrew Lyon's last Sunday to lead worship for awhile as MPC is going to be having Alana Story as our Worship Leader's.  I have LOVED having Andrew lead us in worship!  There is something about his sweet spirit that takes you to the THRONE room!  He dissects songs just like a scientist dissects an animal.  Piece by piece, verse by verse!  I am sure if we ever had the opportunity to sit down and dissect this particle song it would be EPIC!
Today it was just Andrew and the piano and it was a slice of heaven!  He did a melody of several Matt Redman and Chris Tomlin Songs!  LOVED IT!  Ending with a Hymn!  He even had the HYMNAL out!!!!!!  Ya'll that is unheard of any more and there are times where the richness from a song can nail the spirit!  I am going to dissect how this song "If You Want Me To" has been played over and over and over again and again in my life!  When Ginny wrote this song she wrote it out of her own trouble of finding a job.  You see she is a gifted piano player and singer but yet she is blind.  She struggled with finding a job as a choir teacher and I am not 100% sure she ever did but she did put out some pretty AMAZING CD's!  I get her and connect with her just the same way I connected with Jesus today in worship!

"If You Want Me To"

written by: Kyle David Matthews and Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear

And I don't know the reasons why you brought me here.

But just because you love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley if you want me to.

Wow!!!!  We are saying YES LORD I will go through the valley of life that you have prepared for me because I know HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME!!! The many time's that I have moved from state to state or even city to city.  Not because I WANTED to but because it was part of God's bigger plan!  

Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet.

So if all of these trials that bring me closer to You

Then I will go through the fire if you want me to.

"Cause I'm NOT who I was when I took my first step!"  POWERFUL words and so thankful that we are NEVER who we were when we took that first step in our Christian walk!  I am thankful that we are always striving to be more like Christ.  To be more like him!  And how AWESOME is it to say that we can CLING to the promises he has written in the bible!  I am not sure where I would be without the everlasting WORD of God for guidance and strength! And to say YES Lord I will go through this FIRE if that is what I need to do.  I don't know about you but for me those are SCARY words to say but yet at the same time such FREEDOM can come from them when we say YES Lord I will go through this trial!  Never did I think that going through two back surgeries was part of MY plan but God knew it was part of HIS plan!  Never did I think have a child sick and in the hospital be part of MY plan but it was part of HIS plan!  Each time we go through a trial in life God uses these to mold us and shape us into more of his image.  These fires that we go through stretch us, teach us to trust in HIM more and gain our strength from HIM!

And it may not be the way I would've chosen

When you lead me through a world that's not my home

But you never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone.

WOW!  This first line is SUCH THE TRUTH!!!!  There are many things in life that did not go the way I thought it should have gone!  I never thought that I would go down the path of a divorce, nope, I never thought I would go through seven surgeries that doesn't happen to me!  I never thought I would be a "heart mom" NOPE!  I am a good person, that wouldn't happen to me but you know that it DID and God has used those trials to teach me and grow and make me stronger!

So when the whole world turns against me

And I'm all by myself

And I can't hear you answer my cries for help

I'll remember the suffering that your love put you through

And I will go through the valley if you want me to.

"When the WHOLE world turns against me!"  How many times have you and I said that nobody understands?  I have no one to turn to.  God WHERE ARE YOU?!  He has never LEFT you!  He died on the cross for your sins!  He stretched our his ARMS and said I LOVE YOU_______ this much!!!!  We can MAKE it through these trials in life because HE loves us and has already GONE BEFORE US!!!!!