When Life Throws You A Curve......

WARNING: MEN MAY NOT WANT TO READ!!! 

 This past week has been far from uneventful!  It all started last week when after having a D&C last January it was time for the monthly visit again!  Well, all was well and the D&C was working as it should have been until Friday morning when I work up and had an issue.  I called the doctor at 5a.m. only to be told to take some Ibuprofen and call the office for some medication to help stop the issue at hand.  I got to the pharmacy to have to wait for them to open at 8a.m.  What happened to places being open BEFORE and AFTER when the rest of the world has to work????  Well, I ran to work explained to my supervisor what was going on and that I would be back.  I went back took the medicine and some Ibuprofen to have the flow stop slightly but I was still white as a sheet from loosing so much ahhhhmmmmmm blood.  My very wonderful Thrifty neighbor at work watched me all day.  I had to stay until 5:15 to make up for lost time coming in.  When I left I needed to run an errand but first with out a stop to the little girls room.  To which I found a greater loss and the medicine was now NOT working.  I drove to Nobelsville to grab a couple pairs of dress paints and jeans.  I went into Old Navy, asked the clerk for a pair of jeans in my size, paid for them.  While paying for them the I asked the young male clerk (1st mistake) if I could put them on after paying for them and where the bathroom was.  The very nice male clerk said "why do you want to put on different jeans?  You already have jeans on!"  I said I was just tired of wearing the jeans and did not want to mortify this young male clerk with the details of why I really needed to change!  He even went as far to ask if "I had a date!!"  Um...yeah...NOOO!!!!!!  So, I rant to JcPenny's grabbed my pants which to my delight were on SALE!!! Yahoo!!! Not going to complain about that one! :)  Then I ran to get gas (for the car), and was not feeling so hot and just knew things were NOT right!  I called my doc who hemmed and hawed about what to do because it was the weekend and he just didn't want to do surgery.  He told me to go home, rest, eat something and rest some more.  So, I went to Wendy's all the while in Noblesville grabbed something to eat, got back on I-69 towards Anderson.  I was just not having staying all night in my apartment ALONE.  What if I got to the point where my hemoglobin was too low?  All the What If's ran through my mind.  So, what do I do...I stop at Meijer to grab a couple of pair of sweat pants and other items so I could at least be clean!  Yes, I know again TMI but this is my blog and my account kind of like a birth story with out the baby!  After Meijer things were just not feeling great so I drove to the ER in Anderson to where I was treated fabulously and quickly!  They drew my blood, typed it, gave me a shot and I hung tight.  Remember I had just eaten an hour earlier so ANY possibility of surgery was OUT!  So, with the ER doc, Dr. Blake and others the decision was made to put me in the hospital over night to observe and getting bleeding under control.  I think I would have been kicking and screaming if they had sent me home!  My blood pressure and vitals were all in the low normal range.  My blood pressure always run's low anyways.  So, Saturday morning my hemoglobin was down to 9.3 not dangerously low but not ok.  I got up and ate and made sure it was going up before Dr. Blake and I decided that I could go home.  My mom came down, rescued me and took me home.  Dr.  Blake is a really awesome doctor and I am blessed to have him as my GYN during this time in my life.   He came up to the hospital on Saturday to see me and we decided that we could wait to do surgery until Monday.  This was a tough call but since bleeding was under control and my mom was there he was ok with it plus he wanted to go into surgery with HIS or staff which I totally respect and get!  So, Monday I went in for Outpatient Laproscopic Hysterectomy.   Now, I had to be typed for blood again because I had taken off my wrist band and it had been 90 hours since the last time.  The lady came in to stick me and let me tell you there was something about here that I just did not like!  She came in looked me over because here I am a 34 year old women having this procedure done.  One thing I learned was that female issues know NO age!  She looked at my arm veins which had already been poked a lot!  I said you can try there but PLEASE don't dig!  She promised she would not....my thought is there are always more veins to pick from...please save me the pain of digging!!!  When she popped the needle off I mentioned that is a pretty large needle!  She said it's normal but I CAN NOT SEE!!!!! I thought then what in the world are YOU doing drawing my blood!  I joked and said maybe we should move to where the light was brighter.  She just poked that puppy in and HIT A NERVE!!!!!! I have had a lot of blood drawn and NEVER in my adult life have I CRIED like I did.  That pain shot all the way down to my thumb.  I still have some tingly feeling with it but it is getting better.  I went into surgery wide awake after asking for the happy medicine before.  My anesthesiologist kept asking why they didn't give and I said they got busy and Dr. Blake came in just before I was wheeled in here.  So, it took him a big longer to get me to happy land and I really don't like being awake in the OR when I am anticipating having a tube down my throat.  I HAVE NEVER though been awake for that part and I hope and pray I NEVER will be!!!!!!  Dr. Blake came in as I was being put to sleep.  I woke up and was done.  The surgery was a bit more painful due, more like a c-section but with out the baby.  In many ways I am relieved that I am DONE with that phase of my life and don't have to worry about it anymore but on the same side I am a bit sad....wait NO I AM NOT! :)  Well, next time will be a post about Worshiping with My Kids at the Chris Tomlin Concert tomorrow night!!!!!!

 

Happy 6th Birthday to my loving, wiggly, temper filled, funny, caring, never gone leave mommy baby boy!

Your birthday was actually on February 8th!  You decided to come bursting into our lives 8 days early!  When you came out from an emergency c-section all I remember saying was he looks just like "Grandpa" Cobb!  You are named after him so it was fitting!  You have brought much joy and cuddles!  This year you started Kindergarten.  I think you tolerate it but would rather be at home.  You tell me every day how you are never going to leave and live with me forever!  I tell you that I am sure some day you will find a girl that will steal your heart!  I know you stole mine!

Seven years ago.......

 Seven years ago I was waking up each morning in the PICU to a very loud and robutust laugh from a very caring and amazing PICU nurse!  Her name was Shelia and at first it was annoying because it was at 6a.m. but I slowly over the course of three weeks grew to look forward to her laugh out in the hall.  So, much has changed and for that I am grateful!  Timmy was just 6 weeks old.  On the ventilator fighting for his life!  On this particular morning seven years ago Dr. Floreze was the bearer of bad nurse all week long!  Here was my new baby boy lying hooked up to all these machines and Dr comes in and says he has MRSA.  Say what?????  At this time it was not out in the news as to what MRSA was and I am glad I did not fully understand what it was at that point.  It made me worry a little less. On this day seven years ago I knew I had a sick baby but I remember Dr. Williamson our then Superident calling as we had the phone on speaker phone praying over Timmy.  Praying that he was created for much more than this!  I held tight to that prayer.  I am glad that the Lord gave Timmy back to us!  He is a fun, loving and caring boy!  I don't ever, ever wish to go back to that horrible day seven years ago but God brought us through and has made me stronger because of it.

Psalm 91

I am claiming this verse as MINE for the next year

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

 will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the Lord,

 'He is my refuge and my fortress. my God, in whom I trust'

Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare

 and from the deadly pestilence.

He will cover you with his feathers,

 and under his wings you will find refuge;

his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,

nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness

 nor the plague that destroys at midday.

A thousand may fall at your side,

 ten thousand at your right hand,

 but it will not come near you.

You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment 

of the wicked.

If you make the Most High your dwelling-- 

even the Lord, who is my refuge--

then no harm will befall you,

 no disaster will come near your tent.

  For he will command his angels concerning you

 to guard you in  all your ways; 

they will lift you up in their hands,

 so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

  You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;

 you will trample the great lion and the serpent

. "Because HE LOVES ME," says the Lord, 

"I will rescue him;"

I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;

 I will be with him trouble,

 I will deliver him and honor him,

 with long life will I satisfy him 

and show him my salvation."

Divorce

Say it ain't true.  It is!  Not you guys!  Yup!  It's true!  It's happening!  Some may have seen it coming, others may have thought we were the farthest from divorcing.  But the time has come for Josh and I to go our seperate ways.  Yes, we know we will have to continue functioning as parents to three beautiful children!  We can do that!  We can be kind for our children.  We all though can not continue to be married to each other.  Many may question well what happened?  Who did what?  NONE OF THAT MATTERS!!!!!!!! I am not hear to air our dirty laundry.  If YOU or YOU or YOU have questions than feel free to email me at jjljohnson2003@yahoo.com and ask away and I will answer to the best of my ability!  The kids don't know and won't know until we feel it is the best time to tell them.  My friend and mentor Judy told me and encourages me to FINISH WELL!!!! And that is what I am working on doing.  Josh is working on this as well.  We are both taking care of issues that we know we both have to help us to become a better friend, mom, and hopefully spouse one day again.  I do believe that is possible.  This has nothing to do with the recent loss of my dad.  He knew about this before he died.  I know some may be surprised as I often said OVER AND OVER again that I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER in a million years get divorced.  Whelp it is happening and the one thing I ask is that YOU and You and yes even YOU would pray for Josh and I as we continue on this journey.  The one thing I can think of is GRACE.  How can you have a GRACE FILLED Divorce?  You don't sit and point fingers at each other for all the wrong that was done.  You make a choice to do what is best for each other and for the kids.  You move on knowing you ended well.  I can NOT undo what has been done but I can CHANGE my future!  I am excited to see where God leads that future.  I don't know what it will look like.  I do know these few things.  I will be moving out to an apartment in New Castle.  I will continue working.  I will continue to an active parent in my kids lives.  I will continue to be in school working towards my Office Administration degree with Elementary Education classes sprinkled through out.  My goal is to graduate in December 2014.  In my perfect world I would move to Lafayette and work at Purdue and get my Elementary Ed degree there but my plan is not always God's plan.  I am doing very well and have peace about the future. 

Dad

My dad passed away on Tuesday December 18th.  It happened quickly.  You see my dad had been fighting a nasty thing-CANCER!  He had Chronic Lymphoic Lekumia.  He had been fighting this beast for about nine years.  Each year over the past few years he would spend some time in the hospital due to low white blood cell counts.  He had a fair summer.  Grandma had passed away in May.  The lady he cared for so affectingly   He was in the hospital during her funeral but due to modern technology he was able to watch via skype.  We normally go to Iowa to visit during the summer but had not since the kids are busy and that overwhelms dad.  He came out to visit with Uncle John during August.  We got to swim with him and show him our FAVORITE place-The Children's Museum in Indianapolis!  Dad started chemo again and had not been feeling well all fall.  Over Thanksgiving my brother went to visit my dad and took him to some chemo appointments and dad was receiving steroids   In December he went for a check up and chemo but had been running a temp so the doctor had him admitted to work on getting the fever down.  Dad had a port in and the doctor though as a last resort to take the port out since this had been the sight of an infection.  Taking the port had reduced the fever and he was feeling better.  I had not talked to Dad recently because it really tired him out.  I got most of my info from the nurses.  On Monday I called to see how he was doing and they said he was up and had a bit of the stomach bug.  Tuesday morning around 8a.m. I got the phone call no  child wants to get...well Josh got it....but that dad was failing fast.  I stopped everything I was doing and threw some clothes together to get going.  I did not drive myself out there but my mom and best friend Kim drove me.  My brother was already out there.  Dad did not want alot of fan fair for his funeral and he made sure that did not happen between the snow storm and this happening before Christmas.  Dad got his wish!  :)  We will have a grave side in August when we go out to pass our roses and throw money in the pool just like dad would have.  I am glad that dad is in a better place with no more needles.  He HATED them!  And he is now whole to sing, swim and play cards as long as he wants to!  I am grateful I can say in the end I had a relationship with my dad of no regrets.  There are some days where it is harder than others because I was so used to calling dad up to talk to him.  I'll post later about some memories I have with him.

Friendship!

I wanted to share an older song I was listening to today on my ipod.  I am thankful for the many many many friends who have walked down life's path!  I am thankful for the old ones, you know the ones you went to elementary school with....Jessi, and my cousin Jess who is the same age as I but lived in a different state.  Jess and I enjoyed spending time together at my Great Aunt Dorothy and Great Uncle Al's farm in Iowa!  We had lots of good times out there!  Then there are those friends who you never thought you would not talk to but time and changes don't always make that happen such as my BF in 5th grade Nikki Lodyga.  Or those friends who went through those weired stages with you in jr. high.  My BF's then were Mary Baker and John Piper!  We sat together at every lunch and always had interesting conversation!  Then you go to High School!  For me that was a HUGE school where kids came from a large area and you already had your "group" of friends.  For me though I lost my "group" of friends to band or other activities and started all over again.  Thinking back I think I had two friends who were those "Thanks to you!" friends and they were Rene' aka Piggy, and Jenny!  My Jenny sure made my senior year fun!  We made our schedules so we had almost all the same classes and she worked at Burger King and I at McDonald's!  But we had a blast!  I had work friends who made working at McDonald's fun!  Some of those McDonald's friends I am still in touch with!  Then after graduation I went to march to the beat of my own drum and started attending GCC with the ever famous Josh Gregory!  I'll never forget the first time I met him at McDonald's, he was working in grill and I needed a ride home.  Sly entrusted me to ride with Josh home!  I made it home and we talked music.  Something we both knew alot about!  Attending GCC some of my best memories were made but some of the stupidest things were done during that time in life too!  How I wish I could reset the clock back to that time and redo my plans for God's plans!  Alas such is life and we make mistakes we live with for life.  I got married, left life as I knew it and moved to Iowa!!!!!!  What a culture change but there I made friendships I still have today!  I am grateful to the one's who helped me along in life such as Grandma Beth, Grandma Dotty, Deb Montgomery, Kori Doty, Kenton Elliott, Peggy Elliott, Karleah, Alissa, Dr. B, Tammy, Liz RN,   There are many more who walked those six long years with me.  Thank you for being there for laughter and tears.  It's strange how when you go through life changing events those particular for me are the ones I still maintain contact with.  Maybe because they were crucial in keeping my child alive.  I am talking about the doctor's and nurses who walked beside me each day during pregnancy, deliveries and hospitalizations.  You doing what you are called to do has forever impacted me!  Then there are those friends in Fowler/Lafayette area that were part of my life for 4 years.  I so wish that time would have been longer but not now.  Maybe again.  You ladies and gentleman shared many tears, laughter, joys and sorrows with me!  Deb, Kim, Ann, Patty, Beth, Crystal, Otis, Pastor Phil, Jaylene, Marie and many others!  I can not tell you how your laughter was good for this soul!  Thanks for helping out and listening!  Thanks for caring me through some of the hardest days ever!  Crystal there will never be a more funnier neighbor than you!  I am beyond grateful that I got to be your neighbor!  I could go on and on but for now.....Thanks to you!!!!!!  Love each and everyone of you!
Thanks to you!
By: Geoff Moore

I've been picked when I was low
And I never have been left alone
I know it's true
Thanks to you
I have had my burdens shared
There've been valleys
That I've been carried through
Thanks to you
So I won't let another moment slip away
Right here, right now
I've got to stop and say
Thanks to you
I've learned to laugh a little bit harder
Thanks to you
I never cry alone
Thanks to you
I know what it means to have a friend that's true
Thanks to you
I remember all the walks
And all the crazy things that I got talked into
Thanks to you

And even now I'm amazed
When I think of all the ways God's voice came through
Thanks to you
Through all the thick and thin
And places in between
We have been side by side
And that is why you hear me singing
Thanks to you
I've learned to laugh a little bit harder
Thanks to you
I never cry alone
Thanks to you
I know what it means to have a friend that's true
Thanks to you
For never giving up
Thanks to you
For sometimes giving in
Thank you for always listening