Friday, September 7, 2012


Security what does that mean to you?  Health, Money, Home, Family, Love, Friendships, the list could go on forever!  I have not read Beth Moore's "So Long Insecurity".  Maybe one day.  These days I find myself filled with insecurities in my health and who I am.  As the time approaches to the one year mark of my surgery I am unsure of what the Dr. Khairi will tell me when I see him sometime in October.  I am fearful towards the x-rays.  I have been through so much and have trusted and clung to Jesus during those times so why I am allowing this fear to creep in?  Today I took one of my children in for their well child visit and the doctor said he heard a innocent heart murmur and said he saw slight scoliosis in his back wanting him checked.  These things while they are just that innocent that scare me to death!  Why?  I have been through so much with one child and heart defects I don't want to go down that path again.  Even though I know that many children have these innocent heart murmur's.  It's just uneasy for me.  And then starting x-ray's this young for scoliosis scares me to death!  Yes, I know we are just WATCHING it for now and keeping an eye on it to see if it progresses or not but I don't want my children to have to go through what I have.  And yes I fully know he is young enough to catch and fix any problems.  I know all of this but knowing and believing and two different things.  I know he is in God's hands and I am too but in our human flesh that does not make it easier!  May the Lord give me the strength I need to deal with the things I can not change.  If you would please lift me in prayer over the next few weeks and months.