Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Come Just As You Are

These past few weeks have been especially hard as three beautiful children were moved to another Foster Home.  It hurts.  I have cried alot!  God knows EXACTLY where I am at and what I needed!  Little did I know it is coming in the form of an event that I did NOT want to go to this year because I was upset about less conference time and the ticket price increase.  Needless to say God has a message for me this weekend and I am going to Women of Faith conference in Chicago called Beyond Brokenness with Ken Davis, my friends Shelia Walsh and Lisa Harper!  I am looking forward to a time of tears and being spoken to.  My friend Kim called me last week and said she had gotten a call from Women of Faith to  see if she wanted to attend and they were offering her a buy one get one free ticket.  She called me and I said SIGN ME UP!!! Come heck or high water I was going!  A weekend in Chicago with my Best Friend and NO KIDS!!! YES PLEASE!!!!

Back to last week and the children being most know who read my blog my husband had wanted to Foster to Adopt for along time.  I agreed to check it out.  We were certified this past spring and had a call for children the day after Easter.  We were told it would be a few days respite but turned into 67 days!  We had in our home a 9 year old Foster Daughter, 9 year old Daughter, 8 year old Foster Son, 6 year old son, 5 year old son, 4 year old Foster Child and a 2 year old Foster Daughter.  Yes, we had 7 under 9 in our home!  It was filled with laughter, fun, memories, exhaustion, tears and love!  On Mothers day the 9 year old FD got moved for a few days due to being very aggressive.  Note you are NOT trained in your Foster Parent classes on how to deal with such behaviors.  She later was "removed" and due to other circumstances her siblings were moved also this past Friday.  We were really hoping to get her back and try again but nope.  Foster Parents don't get a second chance.  I feel as though I failed.  It HURTS bad! I want to get even with revenge.  I want some one to know how bad this hurts and to know how unfair this is to us and to the kids!  But there is nothing I can do to change the outcome.  I will keep going on.  I will heal but for now I am allowing myself to feel the hurt.


1 comment:

Rachelle said...

over from kelley's...I'm not much of a commenter but I had to because I understand your hurt. 6 months ago we had to have our 3 pre-adoptive children moved after learning that there were big things not previously known to us that we felt we could not manage properly. We went from a family of 6 to a family of 9 back to a family of 6. My heart will never be the same. I wrestle still, almost daily, with the what-ifs. Wondering if we made the right decision in our situation? The behaviors were way more than we felt we could handle and the support much less than needed. But still there are days I just want a redo. It just hurts and there is nothing right now that makes it better. I just miss those rotten kiddos-they were mine and I loved them with all of me. Just wanted you to know that you're not alone. Praying that your heart will mend;mine too.